Writer Twunts ask “What have you published?” meaning “Is your novel on sale in bookshops?” If your novel is not on sale in bookshops Writer Twunts assume you are not a Writer. As you are not a Writer you are irrelevant to them.
Writer Twunts email the bookshop you work in and ask why you aren’t stocking their novel. They come into the shop and ask the same. They DEMAND you stock it. If you have a social media profile they will add you on Facebook and Twitter. They will only ever communicate with you to ask why their book wasn’t in the shop when they came in.
Writer Twunts will actually send emails that say “I don’t think you realise who you are dealing with.”
Writer Twunts like you to organise events for them. They will have a long list of things that Have To Happen at the event. They will act as if they are famous. They are not.
(Famous Writers tend to be polite. Famous Writers usually say thank you for your support. Some send chocolates or cards or copies of their new novels to the bookshop. Writer Twunts send in nothing except their ego.)
Writer Twunts will send passive aggressive tweets saying “Thanks for stocking my book. Why isn’t it front of store though? Could you fix please?”
Writer Twunts will complain that you only have 3 copies of their book in stock.
Writer Twunts imagine that if their book is in the bookshop, then people will buy it. Writer Twunts will blame you for not prominently displaying it when nobody buys it.
Writer Twunts will loudly announce that they are a writer as if you have never met one before. As if you aren’t friends with many, many wonderful writers, none of whom are twunts. They will expect you to be dazzled.
Writer Twunts think it’s ok to fill your twitter/facebook feed with endless self promotion.
Writer Twunts will ignore you for most of the time. When they want a review, or an event, or their latest book in store, they will contact you, without embarrassment, and expect you to be happy to help them.
Feel free to add your own experiences of Writer Twuntness in the comments.