I love writing. I love reading. I love telling stories. I love words. It’s my thing. Most people have a thing, whether it’s a love of art/music/film or a need to make minute sculpture, or juggle or garden, or…well, anything. Words are my thing. The essence of it is my desire to communicate I suppose. I write something and I am telling a story, and sending it out to strangers, because I want my story read. Sometimes they see something good in it, they like it, they want it, understand it. And I feel elated, understood and validated. Other times they see something in it that I was unaware was there. They may tell me they thought the way I did x or y was clever/funny or some such, and I will be amazed at this. I haven’t known that it was there, I don’t feel I can take credit for it as it was unconsciously placed. It is magic. That too feels wonderful.

But these words sent out with hope sometimes are ignored, or worse yet, rejected. I enter a competition, and I dream of winning, or of maybe being in the top 3 say, and I get nowhere. It is a rejection. Or I submit a story, and hear back, no thanks, try again. I feel despondent, untalented. They didn’t like my words, so they weren’t good enough words, so I’m not a good enough writer. And I tell myself over and over that reading is subjective, and what one person loves another finds leaves them cold. I know I should just send that story right back out, but I don’t. It has failed, I have failed.

It’s a nervy thing, I am trying to face down my fears and submit work. I currently have 3 pieces out somewhere.

Checking my emails makes me anxious.

The winners of the Pulp.Net/Bloomsbury competition were notified today. Not me then. Ho hum.

9 thoughts on “Wibbling”

  1. Just send them back out into the universe. If they don’t stick, write some more. I just found your blog via another and love it, hence interrupting with a comment.I have separate e-mail accounts for my writing. That way, I can look at it in isolation, when I feel like it. If I see mail sitting in it, sometimes I simply delete it and then dig through the trash for it later. It makes me feel powerful. Rejected, but powerful.

  2. Sorry to hear about that competition, Sara. But fingers crossed for the important one in mid-November. And good luck for the third one I know nothing about.

  3. Thanks for your comment ozonic. That’s a good attitude you have there, I admire your strength in ignoring emails until you feel up to facing them, but, oh my goodness, I could not do that at all, I want to know NOW, I couldn’t possibly wait!I should send them back out, I am really going to try to do that and not just kill ’em off at the first hurdle.pierre thanks for the commiserations. I feel really sick about the ‘important one’. I am not tough enough for this writing malarkey!

  4. Sara – I know exactly how you feel. But my way of thinking is that I get such a high from the acceptances when they come, and I wouldn’t feel that way if I wasn’t also crushed by the rejections. If I didn’t care about this, nothing would affect me. It’s because we care, because this means so much. I know that’s really hard to hear when you’ve just had a rejection, but when you get the next acceptance, it will be worth it. Good luck for November!Tania

  5. Hi SaraSorry about the comps and stuff.And I know November is looming. But can I offer just a tiny word of advice? You have reached the shortlist, one of only four that was good enough. Everyone else who entered sent in pieces of work that were not deemed as good, or not deemed to have the potential that yours has.No matter what happnes, no one can take that away from you. Your novel will always be the one that hit this tiny shortlist in a national competition judged by the people who know.I have all fingers and toes crossed for you and your work. But if you focus on the fact that wow… it has already got such kudos…a real plus that differentiates you from 1000 others in a slush pile… then November may be a bit easier.vxx

  6. Hi Sarafingers crossed for the ones that really matter … and a great big ‘Aaaah. Nemmind…’ for the ones that don’t.And watch this space for a feature on a story that was rejected 47 times then won the writer a load of dosh. Its all in the persistence, see?Vxx

  7. Hey Sara,just looking at your blog tonight…have great empathy with you at moment..it can be rocky, but things turn around so quickly…god I’m rubbish with words of wisdom, and I’m spent…just know I’m going through it, loads of people are going through it, just gotta persevere. Love Mel xxx

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