This is my head.

Blah blah, here I am, feeling like a big fat fake.
I’m not a writer. Writer’s write. I’m not writing.
Well, why don’t I finish that story about the old woman?
Because I am stuck, even though I know the ending not even I am interested enough to bother.
What about the “mirror” themed story for yet another Mslexia attempt? I have an idea that I could try and make concrete.
I don’t feel well.
I honestly don’t.
It’s not an excuse.
My body is wrong, it’s fucked up. I feel rubbish.
But writing makes me feel alive and worthwhile. I need to do it.
But I’m not.
I have to try to finish a synopsis for my ha-ha-ha-ha-yeah-right-as-if novel.
I want to make a submission to the Not Yet Published book tokens thingy.
I wonder if I won’t. Something else to hate myself for.
My head is full of hot fuzz, and self disgust.
Just in case you were wondering.

8 thoughts on “This is my head.”

  1. Do you have one finished short story? I’m compilling a book of short-stories with friends from several countries. It’s still an idea but 6 are confirmed. Would you be interested? πŸ™‚ (There’s nothing like a good challenge πŸ˜‰ )

  2. I do have finished short stories, yes. Tell me more about your ideas? Do you have a theme? Who? What? Where? When? Etcetera…

  3. Hi Sara, you’re having one of those days, eh? I was struck by something in the middle of your rant. You say I am stuck, even though I know the ending not even I am interested enough to bother. Of course you’re bored! Who wouldn’t be bored if they knew the ending in advance – of something they’re reading or something they’re writing. Scrap the ending in your head. You DON’T know the ending. Get back to it, slowly, and let the old woman tell you what happens. That way, you want to write just to find out, and to entertain yourself.Works for me, anyway…..

  4. Tania, your advice hit home. I lay in bed last night wondering about the woman, and I think she has come to life a little more. Been busy all day (boys home from school) so will have to wait, but I think perhaps there is something there.Thank you!

  5. Well, a friend of mine is thinking on creating a publishing company and he likes the stuff I write (short-stories only, for now) and I had this idea of asking some people I know (some closest friends, from Portugal, three from US, Canada, Lebanon) to write or lend me their short-stories to see if I could come up with something. Everything is a bit in the air still. I told them I had no theme but there was a 10 A4, 12 size letter NRoman, double spaced, format. It was just an idea. I like the voice in your blog and thought on asking…

  6. goncalo viega thank you for the compliment. It all sounds very interesting. What sort of stories do you write? Is there anywhere I can see one/some? Let me know more about your project as and when?

  7. Hi SaraSorry you’re having a downer. It happens.And know something, it doesnt get any better. So, if it feels bad, change tyour job.Start laying carpets. or cooking KFC. or retrain to be a brain surgeon. Writing properly HURTS.Vanessa

  8. Vanessa, gosh, well it does feel bad, but I’m not about to give up on it. I’m certainly not afraid of hard work, but I do have to battle other factors in my life too, unfortunately ill health is one of them. It’s actually not something I could give up, in order to feel balanced in my life I need to be writing, it has always been that way, it is part and parcel of who I am.

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