Sara Crowley

One of my closest friends is a musician. He is the best bass player in the world, and he plays other weird and wonderful instruments too ( trumpet marine and yayli tanbur amongst many). Anyway, we were discussing why he feels that he has to make music and I feel I have to write. I said that it was our way of communicating with the world, but he disputed that saying that his music is often inaccessible, and he has no clue that he is trying to say anything at all. This actually chimed as truth with me as well. So, I pondered, and then replied:

Well, I have pondered this question before, and arrived at a rather simple answer. I write because I am compelled to do so. So, I write because if I don’t I do not feel right. I don’t enjoy writing, it’s like (massive cliché alert) blood from a stone at times. I am frequently disgusted by how inept I am at it. I realised long ago how much simpler and easier my life would be if I did not do it. Sheez, the time I would have to read and relax and do the housework and shop and watch films and talk to people without having to SQUISH everything so that I can sit and put words down. It’s a form of torture, this writing business. And I don’t write primarily for others to read it, but now I’m dipping a toe in the business, and hell yeah, I want some of that for me. I want to be a respected author. Dammit, I want recognition for being a good writer. However, I can equally see a time when I take said toe out of the water, and just write for me, but I know I will write for the duration of my life, in order to feel creatively balanced I guess.

Sometimes though it’s as if a magical process takes part. The words don’t feel like they belong to me. Perhaps I am merely a cipher for them. And when I have written something I consider good, the buzz is as good as it gets. Striving to be better, more proficient, working hard is all its own reward, it improves my writing, allowing me to be more accurate with the words I put down.

You know how religious people talk about folk being ‘blessed with a talent’, well, I think that talents come alongside having different coloured eyes, hair, intelligence, understanding, personalities. There’s a bit in me that is a writerly bit, a bit in him that is a music bit, a bit in my mum that is a gardening bit and so on. Everyone has a ‘thing’. This is mine. And I think that in order to be balanced we need to pay attention to our ‘thing’.

LIGHTBULB MOMENT!

When I didn’t write I still created the words and stories in my head, I turn everything into fiction. When my friend was unable to play music he created pieces in his mind.

It’s not how we communicate with the world after all, rather it is how we translate the world.

Clearly this is my eureka moment! That rings so loud and true with me! Hurrah!

Me writing my words is me responding to the world around me. And it may not make sense, it may not mean anything to anyone else, indeed it may be totally misunderstood, but that’s not the point. The alchemy of the words, or the music, is the wonder of creativity sated, and a world interpreted.

So there!

I have mentioned that I write at The Fiction Workhouse
and it really is all kinds of ace. It is stimulating, thought provoking and a creative wonderland really. I feel very lucky to be working there, and I know that it is pushing me, teaching me, nourishing me.
One aspect of it is the 3 weekly short story rounds where one can post a story on a given date and the others in that round will critique it. In writing the crits one becomes a better writer by being forced to articulate what works, what doesn’t, why and so on. We all agree to it, but we’re human y’know, criticism can sting. Sometimes I struggle with how to say that a piece doesn’t work for me, without causing offence. This is challenging in a good way as it stops that lazy ‘Nah, don’t like this’ attitude, forcing us to examine why we feel that way, and to question how we would improve the piece. I generally take crits ok I think, and some have been excellent in helping me identify where a story is failing. It’s so good to get an objective opinion, and it’s a common thing to assume that because something is crystal clear in one’s head that it will be similarly obvious to a reader, it is helpful to have foggy areas pointed out and so on. Where I get MIGHTILY PISSED OFF though is when someone makes a judgement on the writer rather than just sticks to commenting on the story. I don’t think that personal judgements have any place in a critique at all. We are strangers to each other, we don’t all know each other’s personal situation, and so it is dangerous to make pronouncements and assumptions. It does happen though. Another danger is the ego wank crit: someone so delighted by their own intelligence and voice that they merrily trash other peoples work. Their defence is always going to be, but this is my opinion. There is no point in confronting them, they will have no awareness anyway, so it’d just be a fight for a fights sake, and I can’t be bothered with that. Hence my ranting here instead!

I do think it important to err on the side of gentle caution before making a proclamation about a stranger though. Saying that a writer seems to have no clue about what it is they are writing about is a strange thing to do unless one knows for sure. Telling someone who writes a lesbian love story that they write like one who has no clue what it means to be a lesbian, because the person critiquing is a lesbian and wouldn’t react in that way makes a huge assumption that the author is not a lesbian, for example. And it’s all supposition unless one knows. Grr argh.

I also frequently have to stop myself from posting messages of explanation, or defence, or just saying YES – BUT THAT WAS MY INTENTION! I can already answer my own posts with their firm “Yes, well you didn’t do it well enough then did you!”

Sigh.

Edit. And patronising! Sorry, please add that to the ego wank rant! Wanking and patronising.