Category: writing

Well I failed to place anywhere in the Bridport Prize. I feel silly and foolish because I was actually quite optimistic which is most unlike me. I really liked my story, and there was something in the way of positive thinking and all that which made me imagine that I was in with a chance. I was after first place and didn’t even make 13th!
In many ways I am crippled with self doubt and worry that too many people delude themselves into imagining they have a talent. I do not want to be one of them. Yet also when it comes to my writing I can be full of conviction that I am … I don’t know…talented/able to put words together in a usefully descriptive and emotive way. I truly thought that my story was strong and interesting, and good quality.
Not good enough though. Boom, fantasy over. I really am such an idiot. I thought I should write this down and share my embarrassment.
We are really struggling financially as a family, and perhaps I should just try and get extra hours in the bookshop and sell other peoples words rather than sit here grinding out words that are shit.

Gah! Yet more procrastination and faffery on my part as I struggle with my invisible woman story. (She’s not actually invisible.) I know the end, I have written the larger part of it, but to get to the end there is a gap. A gap I have wrestled with for a few days now. Grrr to the gap, bad gap!
Now, rubbishly, I fill the gap with, well, filler. And it shows. Argh. I feel that if I can just complete it and leave it for a week and then return to it, suddenly it will be clear what needs doing as the magic of story writing happens when I don’t look.
So, best grind on then.

At 17.24p.m I now realise that my story is still not finished and still not good enough. It is with self loathing that I announce to me that this year I will not be entering the Asham Award. Sigh. I am rubbish. (And even whilst I am writing this in the back of my mind a wee voice continues to think that perhaps if we write more now and then go to the Post Office and ask about guaranteed next day delivery…)

So I have been writing a story as my entry to the Asham award. If I want to submit it I’ll have to post it tomorrow. Only it’s not finished. I think it could be really good, with a lot more work. However, it is perfect for the Asham (I think). So, do I hold on to it and rewrite and keep it for some other thing, or do I stay up all night and finish and send?
Bearing in mind that it costs £10 to enter I’m thinking that a piece I’m not delighted with is like pissing cash away. It needs to be strong. Sigh.
And now the boys have broken up for Summer hols there will be precious little writing time until September. The one niggle that I have about not sending it is that I have almost (coincidentally) written it just for the Asham. I’m not sure where else it would fit. Certainly nowhere so prestigious. But, hey, shit’s shit , and if it’s shit…

I received a rejection letter from The British Council. It’s odd but I am used to submitting online and then hearing via email if I have been successful or not. I have so far been fortunate enough to have a fairly good success to submission ratio. To get a letter saying no was quite a downer.

Now I have submitted a story to QWF and once again I seem to find the rules of submitting beyond me. I am self taught on my PC, and I muddle along rather than have any natural understanding. The rules of entry were strict and stated that all pages must carry the title of the story, but not the author name. I dutifully inserted a header on each page. It had to be double space, of course, and a certain length, yup, and failure to comply will result in disqualification. Oh. It had to be emailed, so I emailed from word. Then I checked Outlook Express just to see that it had gone. Sure had. With the headers removed and sent as an attachment. Fuck! That’s when I recalled that I should cut and paste to Outlook Express, not mail from word.
Oh well. Too late now.

I am also working on a story for the “Asham award”. By working on I mean that I have a vague notion and have written a paragraph preferring instead to munch on mini poppadoms and surf around various trashy forums proclaiming my feelings on this years big Brother.

Well I have had “Dirty tickle” published at pulp.net which I am thrilled about.

http://www.pulp.net/fiction/stories/39/dirty-tickle.html

and tonight I happened upon a list of Cadenza competition results and discovered I had made the short list of the writing comp I entered in March. Hurrah.

I have just finished my Bridport entry which I will submit soon, and already I have an idea for my next story. I have also decided that come September I am really going to try to do some substantial work on my novel.

I have received an acceptance email for the second story I mentioned I was working on.
They have asked me for an updated bio, and I feel a bit rubbish as there’s not really much to add to the one I gave them a year ago. Oops.

I have just re read the story I was so chuffed at writing. It is shite. Really, I am not being modest at all, I can be quite arrogant about my writing, I know when I have done something good. This is utter drivel. I had been planning on submitting it but no fucking way. Don’t know if I should have a major rewrite or just dump it. I’m working on a second that seems better, and I have a feeling that it’s the third one that should be decent if I can pull it off. Ho hum.

I have just finished my first complete story since I moved.
Whooo hoooo.
And, I am 3 quarters of the way through another.
Whoooo hoooo.
And I have the most fantastic idea for another.
This feels great.
I have submission deadlines and competition details blu tacked all over my tiny computer room. I have fresh stuff to send out for the first time in a year.
I am writing.