Smash Lits with Ben Slotky

I published The Sandwich Judge by Ben Slotky over at The Forge Literary Magazine this week. It is a superb story. The moment I read it in the subs queue I had a glorious “YES ACCEPT NOW” moment. Please do read it.

And then come back and read these daft questions that have nothing to do with Ben’s incredible writing.

1) What would your superhero power be?

Flying, w/o a doubt.

2) What was the last text you sent?

Pink, And I Was Slathered. The Nature of Great Things. Something Classy, Something With Endives. (These are titles for stories I will probably never write, but should.)

3) What has been your most embarrassing moment?

Back when I was in kindergarten, I called my teacher “Mom.” Nothing’s been that bad since.

4) Bacon VS Tofu—who wins? Why?

I’m kind of done with bacon. We get it, it’s delicious, let’s move on. I am a sucker for a good Mapo tofu.

5) Do you have any phobias?

Not a one.

6) You have to swap places with one other writer for a week. Who and why?

Let’s see. That’s tough. It depends on where they were. I’m not good at things like this. I don’t want to swap with anybody. Next question.

7) Do you believe human beings can spontaneously combust?

It’s 96 degrees at 5 PM on September 20. I’ve seen 11 people burst into flames since noon.

8) How do you stop procrastinating and get on with writing?

I don’t. I have been writing the same novel for about 5 years. In the interim, I wrote a novella and about eleven hundred stories. I am always thinking about writing; I will think and think and think about something until it’s pretty much fully formed and then I write it down.

9) What excuse did you use to bunk off school?

Diarrhea. I’m assuming “bunk off” means skip school or get out of school or something. Even if it doesn’t, I’m sticking with diarrhea.

10) Do you have a motto for life?

My grandfather used to say “Never drink out of strange toilets.” That’s served me well. Either that or “I’m sticking with diarrhea.”

11) Have you ever seen a ghost?

Nope. I saw a UFO once. There could have been a ghost in it, I don’t know. It was way up high.

12) What is the most over-rated novel you’ve read?

I’m not one to judge novels.

13) What sandwiches would you make for a picnic with Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie?

I’m not one to judge sandwiches. I’d bring a nice salad, maybe. Something classy, something with endives.

14) What is your favourite swear?

I rarely swear. Does “fudge” count? Mother-fudge?

15) What word or words make you cringe?

I don’t like it when people start sentences with “So…”

16) Mermaid, dinosaur or unicorn?

Dinosaur. I’m a Dimetrodon guy from way back.

17) Who is your favourite TV detective?

I wrote a bunch of stories about a Crocodile Detective. He’s probably my favorite, primarily because I made him up and he’s a crocodile.

18) What’s your favourite fairy tale?

Probably Rocky 2.

19) What is the last thing you Googled?

What is “other” on my iPhone?

20) Give me a question for the next Smash List interview I do.

How great is Ben Slotky?

Advertisements

Smash Lits with Jane Flett

I published a superb short story – Shadow Puppetry over at The Forge Literary Magazine.  Please do read it; it’s one of our nominations for the Pushcart Prize and is something special. Thank you Jane Flett for taking part in one of my Smash Lits interviews.

 

 

1) How do you organise your bookshelves?

Alphabetically and also divided into novels/short stories/poetry. Also I have a special section for books of witchcraft and cults, and one for Stephen King and other books to read in the bath.

2) What is your favourite cheese?

A really sharp cheddar.

3) Bacon VS Tofu—who wins? Why?  

Tofu—specifically Mapo Tofu with a holy fuck-ton of Sichuan chilli bean paste. Bacon is pretty tasty but tofu is a sponge you can turn into whatever you like, and that is a quality I find appealing in food. Possibly also in humans.

4) What colour is Wednesday?

Black and white like piano keys.

5) You have to swap places with one other writer for a week. Who and why?

Alissa Nutting, to see how it feels in the glorious and filthy innards of her brain.

6) Have you ever had your fortune told?

Of course! I’m a witch, I do tarot all the time. Also I have a soft spot for those old arcade machines you place your palm on and they give you a printed out page of your destiny.

7) What lighting do you have in your living room?

Lamps and candles, and sometimes a red rope light.

8) What’s your most vivid childhood memory?     

Splitting my chin open at playschool because I dared a boy he couldn’t stand on a wobbly block for 5 seconds. He couldn’t. Me, I could do it for 4 seconds and a half…

9) Who is your favourite Neighbours character?

I don’t know anything about Neighbours, except that when I was younger I had a cassette tape of Kylie & Jason and now I have Especially for You stuck in my head. So them.

10) Did you have an invisible friend when you were younger?

No. I did have a hand puppet of a hedgehog called Hedgey though, and also my brother and I made friends with a napkin ring that had an alter-ego of a fat lady opera singer called AwMiLaw. She would fly around the kitchen and sing opera songs in a beautiful and not-at-all annoying voice.

11) What sandwiches would you make for a picnic with Zadie Smith?

I like the number of food-related questions in this interview. I would take a fondue kit in my wicker basket and she would find that charming.

12) You are wallpaper. What is your pattern?

The wallpaper that’s in my kitchen and author photograph: big 70s red and orange poppies on a white background.

13) What was the last text you sent?

“Ahh we are so hungry!”

14) Do you think Antiques Roadshow is boring?

I don’t know it, can we talk about Gladiators instead? I have a lot more feelings about Gladiators. We had gerbils called Jet and Lightning as kids and I spent a lot of time pretending to do the Eliminator in the school playground.

15) How much money did you spend yesterday?

I am in Madrid, so a lot more than usual! About €50 on Colombian baked goods, calamari sandwiches, and many many beers in the gay bar.

16) What is your most played song at the moment?

9–5 by Dolly Parton (this is almost always true).

17) What question should I have asked you?`

“Can I get you a drink while you answer these questions?”

18) What’s your favourite swear?

Cunt. I like that it upsets people who think vaginas are horrifying.

(I agree wholeheartedly. What’s up with that? Cunts.)

19) Do you like spiders?

Sure. I haven’t met all of them though.

20) Mermaids, dinosaurs or unicorns?
One glorious hybrid to rule them all.

(A merocorn?)