Tag: writer types

Firstly, this was bitchy, I acknowledge that, but y’know, this is my blog, and if I wanna bitch you really don’t have to read it if you don’t like it. And, it was meant to be funny too, like when you go, oh yeah, man, I know someone like that…so thanks to those of you who sent your own writer types.

Kellie reminded me that there is also “the inept, attention-seeking, lunatic.” and yes, how could I have forgotten. kellie and I suffered from ‘meeting’ a woman who was very good at delivering hype, but who couldn’t actually write. Eeep.

And Vanessa has generously given us three:

“the one who asks you what you’ll be doing at your forthcoming workshop on opening up creativity, flash fiction, etc…says ‘Wow, what a brilliant workshop!” then books a country house and puts on an identical course costing punters four times as much….

and

the one who moans about other writers not sharing contacts, market info, comp info… and never swaps any info themselves…

and another(!)

the one who says ‘you won what? Oh THAT comp. I didn’t enter myself… forgot…’ (course of they had… they’d have won, right?)”

Vanessa, ohmygod! The first is just too awful!!! The second, urgh, the third, ARGH! Plain and simple!

Thanks for sharing!

The internet is a wonderful thing. It wasn’t that long ago that I had no computer and wrote only on paper. I didn’t know any other people who wanted to be writers, but I did write, gubbins and tosh, and knew that it wasn’t good enough for anything or anyone, so did nothing with it.

Then I got a pc, and dial up. A friend told me about Pulp Net, and I subbed some stuff to them. Hurray!

I now have a MacBook ♥ and Broadband. I “know” writers that I have met online. Vanessa Gebbie introduced me to her online writers forum, I have found writers through blogging, other writers have contacted me, I have contacted them, I have “met” some cool bananas in Zoetrope, “know” some super cool people from America, India, Israel, U.K. I have met other writers in person. It is fabulous to talk writing, get support and understanding, share knowledge and information.

BUT

You know, I am getting a bit fucked off with people schmoozing because they think I can do something for them. I understand that people suck arse, but really, no matter how cynical I get I still seem to assume that basically all people are good, and all people will treat others as they would wish to be treated themselves. Sigh. So, yeah, anyway:

Writer types I have encountered.

1) The hello-I’m-a-writer-too-let’s-meet-up-for-coffee-oh-I-have-a-book-out-any-day-now-and-you-work-in-a-huge-bookshop-that-won’t-be-stocking-my-book-unless-oh-would-you-could-you-that’s-so-great/so-shitty-you’ll-never-hear-from-me-again person

2) Oh, you write so well, I do like you so much, can I help you at all? Maybe we could swap work? You review for Pulp Net, WBQ and The Short Review don’t you? Oh…well…maybe…?

3) I will suck you dry of every bit of writing knowledge that you have learned, and then I will move on to someone fresh for I am vampire writer here to feed.

4) I am a writer who knows how it can sting and be lonely, and I will sympathise and empathise and encourage. I will ask for nothing in return.

5) I hate to ask, but is there any chance you could…?
You are so helpful, dependable, ace.
(Repeat over and over.)

6) I am very cool. Who are you again? What is it you want?

7)

(By the way, 7 was the writer who doesn’t even do you the basic courtesy of replying to you)

8) Ah, writers, yes, we’re all nuts aren’t we? Bonkers! Ha ha ha. Crazy whacky! Ha ha…(EEEEEEEK!)

More when I think of them. I think this may be the first in an occasional series!

9) Women Rule Writer has come up with a hum dinger of a number 9:

Oooh, what about the ‘Little Old Me’ writers? They assume a position of great innocence about their talent, then let you do all their PR for them, while skimming off the cream of your ideas, contacts etc. Do I sound like I’ve been stung? I have. Twice! Argh!

I know someone just like that, my sympathy WRW.